In Vicki Ableson’s second 30 Day Writing Challenge, we are supposed to write about what scares us.  This is going to be an interesting 30 days.  Dr. Kay is back on speed-dial.


Day 5 of Vicki’s WC2…


There are three kinds of secrets.

The kind you tell no one… the kind you tell only your closest friend… and the ones that you don’t even know yourself that you carry.

While working on my memoir recently, I had a revelation… breakthrough… epiphany, whatever you want to call it.  That revelation didn’t scare me so much – I think deep down inside, beyond where even my demons could dredge it up, I was aware of it, even if it was just an indistinct shadow on my consciousness – as did the realization that there might be more.  There might be, in all likelihood were, other secrets… hiding deep inside the recesses of my mind.  Little bombs, tucked away, waiting to go off… waiting for that ‘trigger’ to be pushed.

Secrets I don’t even know I have.

When Tina and I first met, I told her everything… everything I knew… everything that had happened… everything that I remembered.  I held nothing back.  She got me warts and all… a ‘battle-scarred’ mind and body that was a ‘minefield’ which took months to navigate around; to find safe places to touch.

But we both knew that there were holes in my memory… dark spaces that had refused to give up their secrets.  The revelation I recently had, and one like it several months ago, are those holes finally giving up their secrets. 

Are there more?  

When you look out in your backyard and see a single mole hole, chances are better than good that there is more than one mole, right?

We all have secrets that we are aware of.  The emotions attached to those secrets are no surprise.  But what about the secrets we aren’t yet aware we are carrying?

Should we be afraid of those?  

Should those scare us?

If not, then why do they remain hidden from even ourselves?


Veronica Marie Lewis-Shaw

14 April 2013

(Writing under a large mushroom, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest)


About VeronicaThePajamaThief

Bio: Veronica Marie Lewis-Shaw Born in Lisboa, Portugal to parents of Portuguese/Russian descent, Veronica Marie and her wife, Christina Anne, call the Pacific Northwest home, where the couple are “still very much on honeymoon!” When not teaching and finishing her own studies for a Masters in Sociology, Veronica writes fiction, primarily noir - "I love dark!". Her long fascination with noir fiction prompted Veronica to try her own hand at writing fiction several years ago. She has been published in Pulp Metal Magazine, The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology, the horror anthology 100 Horrors, from Cruentus Libri Press, Nightfalls: an End of the World anthology, Drunk On The Moon 2: A Roman Dalton anthology and Gloves Off: Near To the Knuckle's debut anthology. Veronica has also appeared in the inaugural issue of Literary Orphans magazine and her horror/urban fantasy short story SOUL TAKER was recently chosen for inclusion in Lily Childs' february femmes fatales, an urban fantasy/horror anthology. Veronica counts among her mentors - Carole A Parker, Lily Childs, Paul D Brazill, Richard Godwin, Joyce Juzwik and Vicki Abelson. She is currently working on the third draft of her first novel – a memoir – as well the second draft of her first fiction novel, a fantasy novel and the publication of a collection of her flash fiction and short stories. Lily's The Feardom and Vicki Abelson's Women Who Write Facebook writing group have both been a tremendous source of support and inspiration for Veronica. Veronica’s writings can be found at and, and
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  1. susielindau says:

    Beautifully written. I think you are write. After being married for 25 years, most of my secrets have been revealed and others don’t seem so ominous anymore.

  2. Cayman Thorn says:

    True stuff. The secrets of one’s past are like weeds of a garden. Strangers love the surface of things, but only a true lover can understand what lies beneath.

    • Thank you, Cayman. Except for Tara, and I did eventually tell her the whole story there – it just took a little while, I haven’t intentionally kept anything from Tina. You know the saying… “Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive…”

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