In Vicki Ableson’s second 30 Day Writing Challenge, we are supposed to write about what scares us. This is going to be an interesting 30 days. Dr. Kay is back on speed-dial.
Day 5 of Vicki’s WC2…
There are three kinds of secrets.
The kind you tell no one… the kind you tell only your closest friend… and the ones that you don’t even know yourself that you carry.
While working on my memoir recently, I had a revelation… breakthrough… epiphany, whatever you want to call it. That revelation didn’t scare me so much – I think deep down inside, beyond where even my demons could dredge it up, I was aware of it, even if it was just an indistinct shadow on my consciousness – as did the realization that there might be more. There might be, in all likelihood were, other secrets… hiding deep inside the recesses of my mind. Little bombs, tucked away, waiting to go off… waiting for that ‘trigger’ to be pushed.
Secrets I don’t even know I have.
When Tina and I first met, I told her everything… everything I knew… everything that had happened… everything that I remembered. I held nothing back. She got me warts and all… a ‘battle-scarred’ mind and body that was a ‘minefield’ which took months to navigate around; to find safe places to touch.
But we both knew that there were holes in my memory… dark spaces that had refused to give up their secrets. The revelation I recently had, and one like it several months ago, are those holes finally giving up their secrets.
Are there more?
When you look out in your backyard and see a single mole hole, chances are better than good that there is more than one mole, right?
We all have secrets that we are aware of. The emotions attached to those secrets are no surprise. But what about the secrets we aren’t yet aware we are carrying?
Should we be afraid of those?
Should those scare us?
If not, then why do they remain hidden from even ourselves?
Veronica Marie Lewis-Shaw
14 April 2013
(Writing under a large mushroom, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest)
Beautifully written. I think you are write. After being married for 25 years, most of my secrets have been revealed and others don’t seem so ominous anymore.
Thank you, Susie! Six and a half years together now… if there is something about me Tina doesn’t know… I’m still waiting to find out what it is myself.
True stuff. The secrets of one’s past are like weeds of a garden. Strangers love the surface of things, but only a true lover can understand what lies beneath.
Thank you, Cayman. Except for Tara, and I did eventually tell her the whole story there – it just took a little while, I haven’t intentionally kept anything from Tina. You know the saying… “Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive…”