Vicki Abelson’s 30 Day Writing Challenge #7 – Secrets – Day 2

Day 2 of Vicki’s WC7 – Secrets…

There are three kinds of secrets… the ones that we tell only our closest friends… the ones that we tell no one… and the ones that we don’t even know we have. The first two kinds of secrets are as tangible as an orange in one’s hand. They have a shape and a weight to them… almost a physicality. But the third kind of secret is the secret that we possess, but whose shape and weight is invisible to us… this is the secret that has not yet been revealed to us.

Pssst… come here… closer… closer… you want to know a secret?

I’m a lesbian.

I am a lesbian and I always have been one. From the day I was born… no, not from the day I was born… from the very moment I first had consciousness. Oh, I didn’t know that I was a lesbian… not for a long time. That was a secret that I kept even from myself. Not because I didn’t want to know it, but because I was not aware of it. This was the third kind of secret… the one we don’t know ourselves that we possess.

And it isn’t denial… it goes much deeper than that. Denial must be preceded by awareness.

Growing up I had secrets and I learned the secrets of others, but the secret that was my own, that no one else knew… I did not either. I possessed it, but I did not know that I did so… not for a very long time.

What reveals a secret? Usually it is the need to share. Sometimes it is a need or a desire for revenge that makes us reveal a secret. But what about the secret that we don’t know we have? How is that revealed?

What triggers the revelation of the third kind of secret?

For me, it wasn’t a ‘what’, but a ‘who’.

It was the summer of 2002… a few weeks before my seventeenth birthday and the beginning of college life. I and several of my high school friends had gathered for one last get-together before we went our separate ways… to west coast, east coast, southern and northern universities. Only this day, there was an invited ‘stranger’ among us… Kim’s cousin, Amanda.

And when Amanda offered her hand in greeting… and our fingers touched and our eyes met…

Time stood still… and the secret that I didn’t know I had was revealed.

I am a lesbian.

Veronica Marie Lewis-Shaw

8 September 2013

(Writing under a large mushroom, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest)

About VeronicaThePajamaThief

Bio: Veronica Marie Lewis-Shaw Born in Lisboa, Portugal to parents of Portuguese/Russian descent, Veronica Marie and her wife, Christina Anne, call the Pacific Northwest home, where the couple are “still very much on honeymoon!” When not teaching and finishing her own studies for a Masters in Sociology, Veronica writes fiction, primarily noir - "I love dark!". Her long fascination with noir fiction prompted Veronica to try her own hand at writing fiction several years ago. She has been published in Pulp Metal Magazine, The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology, the horror anthology 100 Horrors, from Cruentus Libri Press, Nightfalls: an End of the World anthology, Drunk On The Moon 2: A Roman Dalton anthology and Gloves Off: Near To the Knuckle's debut anthology. Veronica has also appeared in the inaugural issue of Literary Orphans magazine and her horror/urban fantasy short story SOUL TAKER was recently chosen for inclusion in Lily Childs' february femmes fatales, an urban fantasy/horror anthology. Veronica counts among her mentors - Carole A Parker, Lily Childs, Paul D Brazill, Richard Godwin, Joyce Juzwik and Vicki Abelson. She is currently working on the third draft of her first novel – a memoir – as well the second draft of her first fiction novel, a fantasy novel and the publication of a collection of her flash fiction and short stories. Lily's The Feardom and Vicki Abelson's Women Who Write Facebook writing group have both been a tremendous source of support and inspiration for Veronica. Veronica’s writings can be found athttp://veronicathepajamathief.blogspot.com/ andhttp://veronicathepajamathiefwritespoetry.blogspot.com/, andhttps://veronicathepajamathief.wordpress.com/

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